Okay, I have not only circled this mountain of weight loss and maintenance countless times, I’m sure I could have counted it as several marathons by now.
I was one of those when I was younger that I could (and did) eat anything and everything and “get away” with it. It shocks me now when I think back on my eating habits. Or lack thereof. I played sports all through school but basically lived on Pepsi and limited amounts of real food.
Along came marriage and kids and with it the increase in my weight. I felt hopeless and lost. I didn’t recognize who I was anymore. Physically, emotionally or spiritually.
I figured I just needed more self-control, right? NOPE!
I’ve set up camp on the mountain of control unfortunately. The all or nothing mentality was always tucked right in my backpack for the journey around the mountain as well.
If I couldn’t do “it” just right then I’d just run faster around the mountain. I knew I must just not be trying hard enough so I would punish myself with either more exercise or less food. Most times, both.
To the outside world it probably looked like I had it together as I was able to lose the pounds and was quite active again. Along with many other women though, I was good at making the trip around that same mountain look just how I wanted it to the outside world.
What I hid from others, as well as myself honestly, was the attempt to control everything was sucking the life right out of me. I placed every ounce of my value on how well I could “perform”. And I do mean perform! If I could just do a better job of controlling my food intake and my exercise output I’m sure it would fill the spaces that were empty in me.
I remember the day I was driving a tractor in the hay field and I felt the Lord nudging me towards the truth. I was trying to do everything my way. God wanted to be God of everything in my life. That meant I couldn’t give him my heart but withhold my body.
My body is and always has been HIS! I wanted God to be the Lord of my life. BUT, only the parts I wanted to surrender. There were a few things I was sure I just needed to hang onto. I mean, God has a ton of stuff on his plate already, right? He couldn’t possibly care about my weight issues.
He does care. Every hair on my head. Every breath I take. Every choice I make, even in regards to my health. He cares!
I wish that with this revelation I could tell you I make healthy choices every minute of every day. I don’t. I still forget to plan sometimes and end up grabbing anything I can get my hands on because I let myself get to hungry. I freely admit I still prefer chocolate over celery any day of the week.
I have found freedom though. No more extremes either way for me. I may look at the mountain from time to time but I refuse to get back in the rut that circles it. I’m making a daily choice to turn north.
Lord, help me trust you with this north bound path. Give me the strength I need to make healthy choices. I want to be fit for the call you have for me. Thank you for new revelation in our lives. I pray you will move in each person’s life that is reading this. In Jesus’ name, Amen.