Okay, I have not only circled this mountain of weight loss and maintenance countless times, I’m sure I could have counted it as several marathons by now.
I was one of those when I was younger that I could (and did) eat anything and everything and “get away” with it. It shocks me now when I think back on my eating habits. Or lack thereof. I played sports all through school but basically lived on Pepsi and limited amounts of real food.
Along came marriage and kids and with it the increase in my weight. I felt hopeless and lost. I didn’t recognize who I was anymore. Physically, emotionally or spiritually.
I figured I just needed more self-control, right? NOPE!
I’ve set up camp on the mountain of control unfortunately. The all or nothing mentality was always tucked right in my backpack for the journey around the mountain as well.
If I couldn’t do “it” just right then I’d just run faster around the mountain. I knew I must just not be trying hard enough so I would punish myself with either more exercise or less food. Most times, both.
To the outside world it probably looked like I had it together as I was able to lose the pounds and was quite active again. Along with many other women though, I was good at making the trip around that same mountain look just how I wanted it to the outside world.
What I hid from others, as well as myself honestly, was the attempt to control everything was sucking the life right out of me. I placed every ounce of my value on how well I could “perform”. And I do mean perform! If I could just do a better job of controlling my food intake and my exercise output I’m sure it would fill the spaces that were empty in me.
I remember the day I was driving a tractor in the hay field and I felt the Lord nudging me towards the truth. I was trying to do everything my way. God wanted to be God of everything in my life. That meant I couldn’t give him my heart but withhold my body.
My body is and always has been HIS! I wanted God to be the Lord of my life. BUT, only the parts I wanted to surrender. There were a few things I was sure I just needed to hang onto. I mean, God has a ton of stuff on his plate already, right? He couldn’t possibly care about my weight issues.
He does care. Every hair on my head. Every breath I take. Every choice I make, even in regards to my health. He cares!
I wish that with this revelation I could tell you I make healthy choices every minute of every day. I don’t. I still forget to plan sometimes and end up grabbing anything I can get my hands on because I let myself get to hungry. I freely admit I still prefer chocolate over celery any day of the week.
I have found freedom though. No more extremes either way for me. I may look at the mountain from time to time but I refuse to get back in the rut that circles it. I’m making a daily choice to turn north.
Lord, help me trust you with this north bound path. Give me the strength I need to make healthy choices. I want to be fit for the call you have for me. Thank you for new revelation in our lives. I pray you will move in each person’s life that is reading this. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Laura, this is such an inspiring post. Yes, he does care! I think it's difficult for us to realize that about things which are physical in nature, but the physical affects our emotional and spiritual state as well. I'm so glad God brought you to this realization. Your experience reminded me of Lysa TerKeurst's book, Made to Crave. Thanks so much for joining us at #RaRaLinkup.
Thanks Abby. I love how God uses our struggles to strengthen our faith.
Trying to control everything myself is my downfall in many areas. Handing it over to God is always better. Unfortunately, it takes me awhile to get to that point sometimes! Visiting you from Tuesday Talk.